Sunday, July 24, 2005

Chicken Little is a boy now?

While sitting down at the movies to watch Fantastic Four (great movie by the way), I happened to see the trailer for the new animated movie Chicken Little. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't chicken little a girl? First of all, all chickens are female. Second of all, Chicken Little has always been a girl.

All self respecting former children and current children should have at one point in their lives read the story of Chicken Little. She thinks the sky is falling on her head and then runs around like a headless chook trying to warn her friends.

Children will have nightmares! Or at the very least, grow up thinking that male chickens are infact chickens and not roosters. Foul play indeed.

The yolks on you..

Ah well, lame poultry jokes aside, I should be updating this thing more often.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Society for the Prevention of Unecessary Abbreviation.

Is the name of my new club. SPUA has one member so far. But when it takes off, there will be many members.

Many many members who will worship me. Parents and teachers will love me. Schools will invite me to speak to the children about my organisation. Kids will throw paper at me because they don't care.

But we will grow, and we will light up the school nurses office with our SPUA pamphlets.

The society will provide teachers, students and parents a new hope for our 'dumb youth' society.

Unecessary abbreviation can include (But not limited to): Text speak, l33t speak and lol.

Abbreviations that aren't unnecessary are: Shorthand, and words that are too fricken long.

My brilliance is overwhelming sometimes..

In my society:

President: Me (Cyn)
I've coaxed my boyfriend eVil to design a logo for me.

Now I must recruit!

Monday, July 04, 2005

Kingdom of Heaven.

If you have seen this tripe you will know exactly what I'm talking about.

How many times did Orlando Blooms character die and then magically re-appear unscathed and poised for battle? More than you'd care to know.

Does anybody know who the female character was? Her eyeliner would have made thousands of pandas green with envy, yet at no point in the movie were her parched lips given a wisp of moisture or colour.

Now Ridley Scott is no amateur when it comes to glorious fight scenes and heroic leading men. Gladiator will remain to this day one of my favourite movies.

Yet in Kingdom of Heaven he gets it a wee bit skewiff. In a two hour movie set in the middle east, I saw 5 billion horses and only ONE camel. ONE camel I tell you.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

NZ Idol Linked to Emotional Immaturity.

It sure seemed that way.

Look, not everyone can sing. Just like not everybody has the brain capacity to become a brain surgeon. You get what you're given and you make the best of your natural gifts.

The gift of song isn't dealt generously and that's a good thing. Society does not need nine out of 10 people clogging the system and watering down 'actual' talent.

So how is it that every contestant on NZ Idol claims to have the gift, the dream and the aspiration to be a commercially successful music artist? Nine out of 10 of these people have voices that rival cats in a bag, tied to a brick and dunked in a bath.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but if I were told that I didn't have an even partially nice singing voice, I would quietly go about my business making the most of the gifts and attributes that I actually had. But that's just me. Others deem it appropriate and not at all creepy to threaten the making of a voodoo doll in the image of Paul Ellis.

So you can't sing. Deal with it. Let the true talent shine. If you don't have a future in music, don't cry. Thank your lucky stars nobody overseas had to hear your rubbish voice.

Simon Cowell would have shot himself in the face twice over if he were a judge on NZ Idol.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

The music industry IS bullshit.

When Fiona Apple said this in her acceptance speech at the 97' MTV Video Music Awards, she was dead on.

And in the eight years since that speech, the problem has only escalated.

Only in the year 2005, do you have 'rock stars' that cover childrens ditties, and 'popstars' who feel the need to spell the word 'banana' in their already lyrically weak masterpieces. I say masterpieces purely because their songs always get to #1 and almost always sell 50 billion records.

The children's ditty I mentioned earlier is a relatively new song, entitled "If you're horny and you know it, clap your hands". How many hours they spent toiling over those exquisite lyrics I have no idea, but what I do know is that they managed to write an entire song based on this one cracker: "If you're horny and you know it, clap your hands. If you're horny and you know it, clap your hands. If you're horny and you know it and you really want to show it, then get on my lap and do a dance".

And as Esthero says 'We R in need of a musical revolution'. Although if it were me, I would have put 'are' instead of 'R'. Because text speak only adds to the fact that we are living in a 'dumbed-down' generation of fools who buy music that a four year old could have written, never read books, and abbreviate every glorious word put in front of them.

I will take a stand. I will rise up against abbreviation.

There is no need to ruin our beautiful language with 'hi how r u' 'do u wnt 2 hav sex0r'.

Who's with me?!