Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Mrs Underpants.


Ok, so I went to the library today to study for my theorist assignment (And it matters not that I ended up with two Jackie Collins novels and tears streaming down my face).

Tears of laughter that is.

Now, normally when I venture into the library, there are little short sighted women with trolleys wandering around looking chirper. Today was no exception. These women are harmless old dears, but don't let your vocals get carried away with you down the horoscope section, because they will bite, and it will hurt.

So why is it, if a teenager is making a racket in the library, they are asked to either quieten down or piss off, yet a stubbly retarded lady singing at the top of her lungs about underpants get's to stay without hassle.

Underpaaaaaaants, UNDERPAAAAAAAAAANTS, take of my UNDERPAAAAAAAANTS, I want some UNDEEEEEEEERPANNNNNNNTS.

These were the exact words she warbled for 20 minutes while I pretended to flick through the (rubbish, sparse, poorly selected) music section in the libary.

Nobody said a word to her. You want equality for the mentally disturbed, yet they roam free in the sacred land of books.

Underpaaaaaaaaaaants.

6 Comments:

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5:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About a week ago, I went to the library. I was wearing headphones, reading and sitting in a corner. My first mistake was not picking up the only other chair near me and moving it very far away. This homeless dude I met just once sits down across from me. Anyways he's like staring at me hardcore waiting for me to do something. People staring at me wierds me out and takes away all of my concentration so I made my second mistake. I asked him if we met at my friend's house. He was like, "Yeah man, I thought we had some connection."

I talked to him for a little while thinking it would get it over soon. I kept acting like I was reading and my headphones, while not on my head, were still playing music. He told me his life story complete with a photo album.

All during the story he kept telling me how he hasn't slept in a while, and he had no place to go and crash. It was at this point I noticed he was barefoot. There was no sign on the library saying, "No shoes no shirt no sevice." I'm thinking about buying them one. It will be my great contribution to society.

After a while the conversation dies down a little so I go back to reading and put my headphones back on. What I think is a sure sign that says I am here to read and not to socialize. Not to him. Every 5 minutes he taps me on the arm to have some stupid inconsequencial conversation in which he hints that he would like:
a. a place to crash(not gonna be my place)
b. the phone number of our mutual friend
c. to use my phone
d. a ride to anywhere that is not where he is at.

By now I realize reading in the library is impossible, so I ask him where he wants me to take him. He gives me an address, no one there or not answering their door. I'm inclined to believe not answering his door. Same with the second, and third times the charm, I find a place to drop him off. I go back to the library and read some more but this time I moved the other chair.

11:26 PM  
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